Monday, May 31, 2010

Rap Genius HQ

(SCENE: Rap Genius HQ, East Village, NYC)

Tom: I wonder what life would be like if I were a woman! I wonder!

(enter Liz)


Tom: Hello Liz! Do you want to go shopping for women's underwear? We are, after all, both women!

Liz: This is true! I see no reason why we both couldn't go out and buy some women's underwear!

Tom: Nor do I!


Later...

(enter the ACTUAL God)

Actual God: Are you doing anything tonight, Tom?

Tom: Why no - besides going out with a strapping young man such as yourself!

Actual God: Excellent! Shall we say, nineish?

Tom: It's a date!

Friday, May 28, 2010

You can't be buried in a Jewish cemetery if..

- You have a tattoo (EXCEPTIONS: 1. Numbers from the Holocaust 2. Anything really cute)

- You've ever said, "The porkbelly is delicious! So tender.."

Sunday, May 09, 2010

Loq'ed out

[To the tune of Gucci Mane's "Never Too Much Money"]

I can't stop, I won't stop, I keep eating loquats
Never too much, never too much loquats
I woke up gummin', lips feeling swollen
Never too much, never too much loquats!

Seriously though, anybody have calorie info on these things?