Things that make ya go hmm...

When I was a toddler, I would take showers with my older brother sometimes, after the swimming pool. He was about the age that I am now. I was but a child, and when this started I had only seen one previous penis: my own. I remember thinking that my brother's flaccid penis was enormous. Compared to mine, it was like level four in Mario Brothers 3, or like when you see someone who has gained a lot of weight in a very short time. Around the same age I saw Baba's penis too, at a urinal: more of the same.

And then, for 21 years, nothing.

Now that circumstances have rendered my brother Beyoncéless, the two of us are spending a lot of quality time, doing what bachelors do. On Thursday night we went to a club, where he worked his trademark "Persian Jay-Z" game and macked me a hot-ass Chilean. On Friday, we went to the gym. They have a swimming pool at the gym.

I have often reflected on my childhood, and not without some consternation. But I comforted myself with the explanation that his penis only seemed so big because I was a little boy.

But seeing it again - after more than two decades - it still seemed impossibly large.

I try to keep in mind Paul Cezanne's celebrated aphorism: "You are your own harshest penis critic." But I'm sure I was not imagining things. We're not even talking the same ballpark...I don't even think they should both be called a penis.

All the penis feedback I've ever gotten has been positive: one girl I hooked up with in college told Burt that I had a, "beautiful cock." Another said it was the perfect color. At Yale I attended a lot of naked parties, I never felt too bad. I am so confused...I wish I could see Baba's penis again.