Thursday, May 14, 2009

Some Bar

(Scene: A and/or the bar...Any bar)

Beneficent Allah: Tom I do hope that you won't simply flitter away this evening as you are often wont to do.

Tom: I'm just feeling so...letharj, Beneficent Allah.

BA: Bother! What could it be?...aha! Stick out your tongue. if I know anything about anything, that tonguescruff means Worm. And Worm means Company, and Company means Food and Listening-to-me-Humming and such like.

Tom: Food. Yes, maybe some food will do the trick! What about a mouthful of something? And look here, I've got some de-liii-cious sangwiches for us! Apple or carrot with your sangwich, Beneficent Allah?

BA: Both! But...(so as not to seem greedy)...don't bother about the sangwich, please.

Tom: And for you, vorm?

Worm: I'll have just a sangwich, please. And if Beneficent Allah won't be having his...

BA: (bites into carrot) MMMMmmmmM! A tasty carrot, Directly Fresh! Freshly Direct! I...I haven't had a tasty carrot for so long...

Tom: And why's that?

BA: Well...I've alchemized my old sambar concoction into a New and Tasty Sambar Treat Consisting of:

2 leaves Kombu Kelp
2 cups'Eau
1 cup o' dash o' Flax (Homemade)
1 cup Chamomile
1 cup Tea/Tilo & Tilleul
1/4 cup Thyme
3 Hoafish Wasabees
Too Much Coriander, Cayenne and Curry
Not Enough Chickpeas
a Turnip or So
Pinch of Motherwort
Hint of Nutmeg, and...
The Day's Tea Leaves
all Bouilled together until I grow impatient. I can't get enough!

Tom: Sounds delicious, Beneficent Allah.

BA: Would you care to try it? Perhaps you could come over later tonight (and you too Worm!) and we'll make an evening of it, blaze on the rooftop...

Worm: Why Beneficent Allah! Offering me, an intestinal worm, a Poisonous Sambar!

(enter The ACTUAL God)

Tom: And how are you, Actual God?

Actual God: Not very how...I don't seem to have felt at all how for a long time.

BA: Dear, dear. I'm sorry about that. Now turn about, let's have a look at you.

(dainty pirouette)

BA: Charming...spitting image of your mother!

AG: And can we see the back of you, My Dear Old Allah?

(spritely spin)

AG: Why Beneficent Allah, what's happened to your hair?

BA: What has happened to it?

AG: It isn't there!

BA: Are you sure?

AG: Well, either hair is there or it isn't there You can't make a mistake about it. And yours isn't there!

BA: Then what is?

AG: Nothing.


BA: Let's have a look (circles to where his hair had been a little while ago) Sigh...I believe you're right.

AG: Of course I'm right.

BA: That accounts for a Good Deal. It explains Everything. No Wonder.

AG: You must have left it somewhere.

BA: Somebody must have taken it.

AG: How Like Them.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Quel Caractère!

I passed the moral character and fitness requirements and I'm really a lawyer now, swear to bob. It was easy, you just need to do 20 pull-ups, 10 min. erg and some precor...

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Subtle Memes

This blog is heretofore devoted to subtle memes. Let's set us off:

1) People who talk about Kermit Roosevelt - from a historical perspective - with a perfectly straight face, as if it's not hilarious that his name is Kermit Roosevelt i.e. "Kermit Roosevelt was a principal architect of detente! Kermit Roosevelt was a raging alcoholic!" etc...

2) Telling a story where you implicitly demonstrate your knowledge that Al Gore and Gore Vidal are related, but no "Did you know they are related?" as if to say "Of course I know that they are related, as does everyone who I communicate with. If it were news to me or any of my audience, I would be working at The New Republic, not the New Yorker..."

e.g. "Gore Vidal gave a prescient speech at Al and Tipper's wedding on the future of globalization..." e.g. "Obvi Gore was at their wedding! they are related..."