Friday, April 25, 2008

AIDS-e Shoma Mobarak!

I hate France. I used to love France. What happened to me? For the past hour and a half, I've been sitting in my apartment str8 hydratin and rollin on foam. I feel like my posture is getting worse. How can this be? Mamman periodically calls, asks about my chakras, if I'm going to graduate. Shut up I'm busy.

Looking back years from now, feminist historians will undoubtedly argue that this April was verily the cruelest month for the Beneficent Allah. First off, I'm quitting coffee, spine feels wobbly-wobbly. I know, it's just the chemicals hurts! ouuuch! I think the Actual God got his butt blown up, I'm so worried...I just got a check for like 10 G's in the mail, and it's tax-free, and...all I want to buy is cash.

I've also developed an unfortunate little prescription drug problem. I need to rail some ritalin just to go to sleep at night...but my nose is always stuffy from the ritalin, and only ritalin can really clear it up. Vicious cycle, no?

To make matters worse, I've sprouted a sharp pimple on my chest that is super sensitive to pressure. Like when I push on it, I start worrying about my heart. Alright I'm lying. There is no pimple. I sense your doubt, and that's okay. You suspect that there really is a pimple, and I'm lying about lying to protect my fragile ego. I see no way to convincingly state the case without digging a hole for myself, yadadadawmean?

Good Shabbas, my flock. Please! remember: don't hog the challah; praise be to ALLAH!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Who said it?

Juelz or Paul Kennedy.

1. "British is dundo for lettin his guns blow"

2. "The all-embracing unit of the world economy constitutes an antithetical tendency to the otherwise nationally organized social life of humanity, and the dynamism of capitalism as a world system has been based on that same antinomy."

Answer bank: Juelz, Paul Kennedy.

also, how hard would this be:

(HGS, 2nd floor hallway)

Paul Kennedy: Get em Charlie!
Hon. Charles Hill: Tato tato
John Gaddis: Oh that Charlie...he's the cutest dip!


Scene 2

Paul Kennedy: (talking about John Gaddis' wife, sotto voce) And she will swallow a hoola hoop, Ask around, she will swallow the juicy fruit...

Monday, April 07, 2008

Ca s'mawnge?!

Everybody eats, ok? Marwan eats pasta and Romain has a noontime ├ęclair. Katie sits at German cafes and eats books, dressed in a gown of linen and rhomboid lace.

Matt Lim drinks coffee and devours the tax code, Harold Bloom devours his children. The Actual God eats a bombass sangwich, with honey mustard, and...Liams eats honey mustard.

I try not to eat tamarind, oh! but it is difficult: a laceration is a tongue's hangover, it craves more poison.

The Talmud nourishes the mind.

The poor eat artichoke because they squander the ruffage - which is the better part - and that is why they're poor.

The moral of the story: everybody eats

So next time you're like, omg sangwich, honey-mustard, better than g-heav MMMMmm! just do us all a favor and shut the fuck up

Saturday, April 05, 2008


(law library)

Student: Hey you think you could turn that down?

BA:, sorry...shorty wanna fuck...

Thursday, April 03, 2008

New Dipset

April is the cruelest month
Dispet got dem Rugers ma
In our belts we do this hun
You messin wit the truest, ma

Oh, la, la, the chick ain't got no soutien gorge
Like Grampa on the rocking porch
I'm droolin wit my rocks en-gorged...

Fiends want my rock I'm sure
And I deliver like the Stork
Stork, Starks, stocks, FARC
Y'all need an underwriter
But I got JR Writer
My nigga under write ya
Oversell ya
He the fella