Getchya Evi-on, Inglewood

Funny urinal moment just now, I am taking a piss and a wizened-looking partner enters and says to me, "Hey! How's it goin!?!" really loud, before starting to take a piss right next to me. Looks like somebody's got a case of the Fridays.

As many of you know, I am like Jesus. I don't mean I'm the Messiah or anything - that's Rod - just, I have love for those who no one loves.

That's why I only drink Evian now. I've abandoned Fiji to the gays. Volvic was good for a while...but I think Volvic is just Evian watered down with Fiji, to make it taste less cummy.

Evian is all yaan. That shit is cummy and a half, and quite unapologetically so. Why? Because the cum-taste of Evian is what makes it good for your skin. Besides, Evian is the original. They invented baller water...